How often do you take time for self-care? For the last two weeks I have been signed off ‘sick’ from work, forced into taking some time for me.
Let me give you a little context… Back in February I slipped on the stairs whilst carrying a heavy box when we were moving house and landed on my elbow which jarred up into my shoulder. This left me in daily pain and for a while with limited mobility. Due to the whole situation with COVID-19 I only got to speak to the physio on the phone, so I chose to go back to my trusted chiropractor who helped me get my mobility back and although this offered some relief, I have spent the whole of the rest of the year in different levels of pain.
It’s been a testing time for me. Not least trying to be able to explain in words what the pain is like. For being a supposed writer with a good vocabulary, describing pain for me is a little like trying to articulate emotions. I find it ridiculously hard! I came across this really helpful article which helped me put things more into context. https://swfna.com/stabbing-aching-or-throbbing-how-to-describe-your-pain-to-a-doctor/
Living with pain, even if it is dull and in the background is draining when there is never a day with relief. As the calendar turned to December, a month which normally is full of happiness, joy and excitement with my birthday and the run up to Christmas, I felt a sense of deep dismay that things were just not getting better. As the days ticked by, with Christmas creeping closer, the pain still affecting my sleep and work ongoing and busy, the dismay turned into a strong sense of overwhelm. I found this picture on google which indicates perfectly how I was showing up:
Dalai Lama XIV said, “If you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself.”
So, I took action and spoke to my line manager about how I was feeling and thankfully I already had an appointment in the diary with my doctor for an update on my pain management.
“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”
~ Maggie Kuhn ~
Sometimes withdrawing is much harder than staying, stopping is much harder than keeping going. However, there are times in life where the most sensible thing to do is:
“Withdraw to the untroubled quietude deep within the soul, and refresh yourself.”
~ Marcus Aurelius ~
Being an introvert, actually withdrawing is not the hardest bit but with a fear of not being good enough, to put my hand up and say I’m struggling and can’t cope, that, that is the hardest bit.
Seeking solace, during this time, I listened in to Glennon Doyle’s podcast We Can Do Hard Things with Brené Brown on as a guest. If you know me then you will be aware that these are two of my favourite women and so when they came together and were actually talking about overwhelm and articulating exactly what I was going through it made me quite emotional. You can listen to the whole episode here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5iYjEaAOafspWrP1IiB4pV?si=65a958808b82478f
Brené said, “There was a definition by John Kabat-Zinn that I came across when I was studying overwhelm, that really, I think about it every day. He said that overwhelm was the feeling that life is unfolding at a rate that’s unmanageable for me and my nervous system.”
This makes sense to me. For a while everything has been building layer, upon layer until I reached a point where I could no longer cope.
In the podcast Brené goes on to say, “So overwhelmed is a very intense amount of stress, where actually you can no longer function in it. What’s interesting is the only real empirically-based solution to overwhelm is nothingness.”
This is one of the crucial points – it is not about doing something more or something different to come out of overwhelm it is the need to take things away.
Finally, Brené says, “And if you can tell people what you need, you’re probably not overwhelmed. Yeah, have you ever had that thing where I would say to Steve, “Oh, okay. Fuck. I’m completely overwhelmed.” “Okay. Make me a list.” And I’m like, “Dude, if I could make you a list, that would not be overwhelmed. I need you to take the wheel.””
That’s what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I cried on the phone to the doctor, and she made the decision to sign me off work. To take one of the stresses away and give me strict instructions to rest as much as I could in the run up to my appointment with an orthopaedic specialist.
Sometimes accepting the need to rest can be really tough.
Feeling so totally broken, I listened to the GP and I have taken time to rest. I have never watched so many Christmas movies whilst snuggled under a blanket on the sofa. I’ve slept when I needed it. I’ve read chapters from my latest fiction novel (Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo). I took time to write more Christmas cards than I would normally to let people I care about know I am thinking about them. I’ve nourished my body with whatever it is asking for and although my arm is still painful my mind is certainly more settled.
That’s what self-care is all about right? It’s not just about the physical but the mental, social, spiritual and emotional wellbeing aspect too.
This article gives a good overview of diverse practices and strategies for all aspects of self-care: https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729
Self-care means taking care of yourself as a conscious act so that you can be healthy and strong. It is critical and important, and we don’t do enough of it.
How many of you jump to the thought that self-care is selfish? As a woman the need for self-care can trigger feelings of guilt as we’ve been conditioned to automatically think that we are neglecting others when we take time and energy to care for ourselves.
Dr Kristin Neff is a guru on self-compassion. She says: “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”
In the past I have always found this concept really hard, but on my journey to mental wellness it was one of my biggest steps in emotional healing. Kristin’s website offers some great tools if you too need some development in this area: https://self-compassion.org/
I feel it is really important to make the choice to do something for you. Take a step to make life better.
As we head towards another week, the last few days before Christmas, I encourage all of you to stop and take time to think about what you need right now. What do you need to be able to be at full strength for the festive period, especially facing a second year of COVID restrictions?
“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”
~ Katie Reed. ~
For me I have another hospital appointment tomorrow and then a third week of rest and recuperation to gather as much energy as I can to host family next weekend.
I plan to see if I can tick off some more things from the graphic below. How about you? Which shout out to you this week? Whatever you choose, go well I’m sending love and light…
Stimulating Stone... 